Is This A Safe Space?
Dear girl,
I like to think that here is a safe space because that's what I want to build. Sadly, there aren't so many safe spaces in our World today. Even most churches can't be called one. It's sad seeing people looking for answers, peace and healing and going outside because if they should say what is eating them deep within it will be met by judgemental stares and fingers.
I find myself singing “Silence the noise in my mind Lord. Open the eyes of my heart. I want to see you.” It's a plea. A plea to see him through my pain.
There's a pain deeply rooted in me. It's a shared pain. Every time I hear of a girl molested it goes a little deeper. Every time I hear of one who couldn't hold on anymore because of being preyed on continuously, it goes a little deeper. Every time I hear of one who had to fight all alone, my heart breaks a little further. Every time I hear of fingers being pointed and one being ostracized when she didn't have any choice in the growth inside of her, I want to weep.
This is a shared pain because I know how hard it is to pull from the trauma. Sometimes, I sit and wonder where I would be without Christ and I’m so grateful for him finding me and helping me pull out daily.
I’m sorry you weren't given a choice. I’m sorry for what those hands did to you. I’m sorry that you had to bear the trauma alone. I’m sorry no one fought for you. I’m sorry your trust was broken. I’m sorry for the pain you still feel. I’m sorry you were treated with no respect. I’m sorry for this trauma you didn't have a choice in. I’m sorry that when you feel like you are getting better, the pain springs up again. I’m sorry this pain has stolen your trust in people. I’m sorry that you can't open up your heart. I’m sorry that you believe being all alone is the best. I’m sorry.
This week, I’ve had to deal with this shared pain. I’ve cried and taken it to Abba. In taking it to Abba, I have regained strength and laughed in the face of the devil.
The Devil has used this pain to steal so much from you. Enough is enough. It's time for you to choose God. It's time for you to choose love, healing and peace. It’s time for you to take this burden and pain to Abba. It’s time for you to heal. So, if you must cry, cry but rise. You aren't allowed to give up. You aren't allowed to allow this pain to steal joy and wellness from you. You were made to have life in abundance but the devil as a thief, destroyer and murderer has tried to take that life. He might think that he has succeeded but I want you to rise and laugh in his face.
Ask him if he thought he had won. Tell him you choose God. You choose his peace and healing. Open the door for bitterness and unforgiveness to go out. Throw it out the window.
Tell him, “You robbed me of my past but you won't rob me of my now and my future. God is with me. Christ is with me. Even if I couldn't see it then, I see it now. I’m still standing because of him and I waste no more time living an unloved life. I will love, laugh and be merry in God.”
He hasn't won. He can't win. Healing is your bread. So, go and pour your heart to God and whenever that pain springs up again, run to God with it. Healing is a continuous process, and journey. It will not be easy but God’s strength is made perfect in your weakness.
There's so much I want to say but this is a start. If you need anyone to talk to, you can always reach out and by the grace of God, I will be there. I will be praying for you. Know that someone is praying for you.
Lord, we are your daughters. Help us heal from this pain that threatens to pull us away. Help us choose healing, peace and forgiveness daily. Give us strength. Help us to still love and trust despite this. Let your soothing voice and loving ways heal all the broken pieces of us. Mend the broken fences of our souls. We come to you with our burden of pain and trauma and lay it at your feet. We rise healed, refreshed and whole.
We are your children and healing is our bread. Amen.
I love you dearly.
Your sister and fellow survivor,
Rehoboth.